


A Moment of Indiscretion

by Annsabella



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:07:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25778665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annsabella/pseuds/Annsabella
Summary: Kathryn Janeway developed feelings for a man who she grew to admire, leading to a night that should never have occurred.
Relationships: Chakotay & Kathryn Janeway, Kathryn Janeway/Owen Paris
Kudos: 8





	A Moment of Indiscretion

Captain Owen Paris felt that he had to put a stop to what Lieutenant Kathryn Janeway was doing. All the lingering touches, flirting. He couldn’t have been the only one who noticed. Besides, he was a happily married man with three children. As flattering as it was to have a beautiful, sexy, young woman showing that kind of interest in him at his age, he couldn’t allow it to continue. Then another thought occurred to him. Maybe she wasn’t even aware of what she was doing? Maybe he was reading too much into her behavior. Either way, he would have to discuss it with her, people might get the wrong idea. He’d meant to do it earlier in the day but was so busy he’d never got around to it. So, he decided he would stop by her quarters. It was only around twenty hundred, she would most likely still be awake. Her next shift wasn’t until zero-eight hundred. 

Ringing the door chime, it opened almost immediately. Stepping inside, his eyes came to focus on her as she stood beside the bed. She was wearing a light blue satin nightgown with spaghetti straps that stopped mid-thigh. Her hair was long, flowing down her back in a cascade of waves. “Is there something I can do for you, Captain?” She asked moving up to him. 

He couldn’t take his eyes off her. “Lieutenant, we need to discuss…” His words fell away as she slipped one strap off her shoulder before slipping off the other. Tugging on the nightgown, it slid down her body and pooled at her feet. She was almost completely naked except for a pair of panties. His cock went instantly hard, faster than he could remember it ever happening before. 

Reaching up, she unzipped his jacket and began pushing it back, letting it fall to the floor. Her mouth went to his neck, slowly kissing the tender flesh as her hands reached down and clasped his before bringing them up and pressed them to her breasts.

Her nipples went hard at his touch, the skin warm and soft. He couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. “You were saying?” She purred before her lips descended upon his mouth, kissing him slowly. He kissed her back with equal passion, his hands massaging her firm breasts. 

Right now, all reason was gone. All he wanted to do was fuck her. Breaking the kiss he said, “Call me Owen,” before taking her by the hand and led her over to the bed. Pushing her down gently, he pulled off her panties as quickly as possible and spread her legs wide. He wanted to taste her, knowing that if he fucked her now he wouldn’t last long. 

Unfastening his pants, he released himself as he began to slowly stroke his throbbing cock. Trying to ease the pressure as his mouth hungrily sucked her clit. She gasped, her breath coming in short hard bursts as her hands grasped his hair, clasping it between her slim fingers. “Oh, baby.” She moaned sweetly; her eyes partially closed with desire. He almost came. 

As her moans intensified, her hands clutched his hair. Without warning, she announced, “I’m gonna come.” Within seconds, she thrust her hips hard against his mouth as he continued to let his tongue assault her clit, simultaneously squeezing his cock, inducing a little pain to keep himself from coming as he brought her to climax a second time. Finally, she thrust her hips back, breaking contact. 

Standing, he lifted her up and placed her higher on the bed. Pulling his pants down to his knees, he was unwilling to wait to remove his boots, feeling he’d waited long enough. Laying on top, he pushed himself in completely, causing a gasp to escape her lips. He tried to go slow, wanting to last as long as possible, but she was so wet, so tight, that his efforts to hold back were becoming impossible. “You feel so good.” She said, enticing a deep moan past his lips. 

“I’m so close pretty baby.” He said as his hand gently fondled her breast, his fingers caressing the nipple.

“Come inside me.” She encouraged, moaning softly against his ear. 

He hadn’t considered that far ahead. He needed to pull out before that happened. He was already in way over his head, the last thing he needed was to bury himself any deeper in this moment of indiscretion. He’d never had a woman throw herself at him like this before, especially a woman who was so obviously out of his league. “I can’t, I don’t want to get you pregnant.” Wrapping her legs around him, she pinned his legs together just below his buttock. Her hands reaching down to grasp his hips. “What are you doing?” He demanded panicked. He tried to push himself up, her legs gripping him like a vice. 

“I’ve never been with a man who’s been so desperate not to come inside me. Don’t you want to come in me baby?”

He did, more than anything. It was going to be hard enough to deal with the situation afterward without risking anything further. “You have no idea how bad I want to, but I can’t. You have to understand. I have a wife, kids.”

“They’re not here.” She said thrusting her hips, her head resting against the pillow, looking up at him through heavily lidded eyes. Even though he’d stopped moving, she had begun the motion that would make him lose control. Her hands firmly grasped his hips, using them in conjunction with her legs to keep him thrusting into her. 

He could feel that familiar sensation stirring deep within his balls. “Let go of me Lieutenant, that’s an order.” He commanded, but she wouldn’t stop, just continued to fuck him, using her well-toned legs to help maximize every thrust. Her lips parted slightly, her heavily lidded eyes continuing to look up at him as she panted softly. 

“Please don’t make me come inside you.” He pleaded weakly, continuing to try and disengage himself and failing. “Oh fuck!” He cried, trying desperately not to come. “Please Kathryn, don’t do this. I’m begging you.” Without warning, his eyes rolled back in his head, unable to stop the inevitable climax. Without thought, his body began matching her thrusts.

When she felt the first blast of hot come hitting her cervix she smiled as a moan of pleasure escaped her lips, finding her third release. “That’s a good boy.” She cooed, continuing to fuck him as he emptied himself inside her. “Give me all your come.” He moaned loudly into her neck, his body working against hers until his strength was depleted and fell against her, breathing heavily. Slowly, she released her grip on him, having gotten what she wanted. 

“Why did you do that?” He asked panting. “I could get you pregnant. What were you thinking?”

“Relax Owen, I took precautions.” She answered, running her hands across his back.

He pulled back, still feeling the adrenaline from the panic he’d felt a moment ago, now mixed with a touch of anger. “Why in the hell would you let me think that I could?”

She smiled slyly. “It was exciting. The risk, the danger of possible consequences. When you came, it was so much harder than it would have been otherwise, wasn’t it?”

She was right, she’d made him come harder than he ever had in his life. Instantly he felt ashamed by what he’d done. Rolling off and onto his back, she placed her hand over herself to keep his come from escaping onto the bed. Carefully, she swung her legs over the side and stood up, thankfully it was the closest to the bathroom. 

As he stood himself, he pulled up his pants before gently placing himself back inside and refastened them. He could hear the cycle of the sonic shower beginning. Moving over to the door, he picked up his jacket and slipped back into it. Zipping it up, he thought about just walking out, but he couldn’t, just stared at the door as one question kept going through his head. Why him?

Turning around, he took a seat on the sofa and waited for her to reenter the room. Moments later she did, wearing a typical Starfleet issue robe. He gestured for her to take a seat, which she did next to him. “Kathryn, I’m sorry. It’s a breach of protocol for me to be here like this. And what we just did, I can’t begin to tell you how many protocols I’ve broken there.” He said looking embarrassed, ashamed, guilty. 

“Owen,” she began with a smile, speaking softly, “If anyone was out of line it was me. I encouraged this confrontation. I took advantage of you when you reciprocated, and for that I’m sorry, but I didn’t know what else to do to get your attention. Subtlety didn’t appear to be working. ” Then laid a hand gently on his thigh. 

He shifted uncomfortably and stood up, needing to put some distance between them. God, she seemed to have the power even now to make him want her. Turning toward her he asked finally. “Why me? I’ve known you since you were born. I watched you grow up. Your father would brag about you to everyone he knew. When you began growing into a woman, I knew you would become a stunningly beautiful woman one day, and that your father would have his work cut out for him.” He let out a cry of disgust, making her jump in surprise as he started to bend over, his hand going to his stomach. “Your father is one of my closest friends, and I just fucked his daughter. I think I’m going to be sick.” He said lowering himself to the floor. 

She moved to his side and took him into her arms. Pressing him against her chest. “You want to know why I wanted you?” He nodded against her chest, unable to reply, unable to move, praying it was just a fantasy he’d been having. “I’ve admired you for a long time, you were so much like my own father, the way you carried yourself with confidence. The men my age don’t know what to do with a woman when they have her. It’s all about satisfying their own needs.

“I’ve always had a bit of crush on you Owen, and I could tell you were the kind of man who cares about the needs of others as much as you care about your own. You’ve certainly got the knowledge, experience, and patience to make a woman feel good about herself. You certainly made me feel that way, you always encouraged me to be better than I am. Men like you and my father seem to come from a different breed of men, better than they are today.”

She pulled back, seeing tears in his eyes. “If you never want to do this again I’ll understand. I know you have a family, and I know you love them very much or you wouldn’t be feeling as awful as you do. I’m not trying to interfere with that or force you to choose between them. All I’m saying is that we’re going to be on this ship together for a long time, and I thought that maybe, we could comfort each other every now and then.”

It seemed reasonable out loud, but in his heart knew it was wrong on more than one level. So why did he still want her? Knowing what it could cost him. He was captivated by her like fire, knowing it was dangerous, reckless, but wanted to be consumed by it just the same. 

“Owen, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m just giving you the option. I would never tell anyone about us, it would destroy both our careers. But if you decide you want to continue, there are some parameters we should get straight between us.”

“Such as?” He quired, finding himself capable of looking her in the eyes again.

“No one falls in love. You’re still my Captain, and to the outside world, that’s how you’ll remain. I will follow your orders, do my job with no special treatment. But when we’re alone together, it’s just Owen and Kathryn, all rank is left at the door. And when either of us decides it's over, it’s over. We walk away amicably. Do you think you could do that?”

He didn’t know what to think, how to feel, his emotions were still very raw against the surface. How could he rationalize cheating on his wife? The woman he loves built a life with, raising a family with. While at the same time rationalizing that he could continue to sleep with his best friend's daughter? It was ludicrous. Preposterous. What he found to be even more insane, is that he was willing to risk it all just to be with her. Starting right now, this moment.

“Kathryn, my better judgment is telling me to count my losses and walk away, but the other part doesn’t want this to end. So yes, I will agree to your conditions.”

She smiled softly before giving him a soft kiss on the lips. “I was certain you would decline.”

“I won’t lie, I came close, but I just couldn’t bring myself to give you up just yet.” He answered before standing up and offered her his hands. Taking them, he helped her to her feet before pulling her against him. Picking her up, he laid her down gently on the bed and took his clothes off. 

She could see him fully now, and though he wasn’t as fit as he used to be, he still had a strong muscular body, keeping himself in shape. Laying beside her, they stared into each other’s eyes as his hands unfastened the tie on her robe. Pulling it apart slightly, he reached in and began to caress her right breast, causing a soft moan to escape her lips. Their first time was hurried, rushed, he wanted to take his time with her, make her feel like the goddess she was. He was going to worship her properly. Pulling the robe further apart to expose her breasts, he took the left nipple in his mouth and began to suck gently as his hand moved to gently caress the other. 

There was a soft hiss as she’d sucked the air rapidly thought her teeth. “Oh, Owen baby.” She moaned sweetly, the sound bringing with it the capacity to instantly heighten his arousal. His hand slid south across her tight firm body, finding the center of her desire and began to rub slowly. “Ahhhhhhh Goooooddddd.” She moaned again, drawing out the words softly.

“You’re so beautiful Kathryn. I’m still in awe of you.” He said releasing her nipple, loving to see the look of desire in her heavily lidded eyes. 

Grasping the back of his head, she pulled him down for a kiss. When their lips met, there was a passion, desire, hunger. He kissed her slowly, relishing the taste of her mouth as their tongues carefully explored. She was close now; he could feel it just by the way her body squirmed underneath his hand. He slowed his movements, not trying to make her come so hard. He wanted it to happen gradually, pulsing through her body like gentle waves. It would certainly take more time but would be rewarded by the sounds she made, the look of ecstasy taking over her beautiful features.

Then it happened. She began to moan softly against his mouth. Pulling back to see her face he whispered. “That right my pretty baby, let it go. Come for me, Kathryn.” She panted softly, looking into his eyes. Her mouth opened wide in a soundless cry, her hips pushing up against his hand as he continued to manipulate her. The orgasm kept coming in waves, she couldn’t begin to count how many before she found herself going out of her mind. Stilling his hand, he pulled it away to stoke his own aching cock. Allowing her to find a normal breathing pattern again. 

When she was calm, he climbed on top of her and slid himself inside. Pulling him close, she rolled him onto his back and took over. Taking off the robe, she began working her hips slowly at first, resting her hands on his chest for support, panting softly. 

She was so beautiful, sexy, he wanted to keep her like this forever. His hands reached up to cup her breasts, fondling the taunt sensitive nipples, enticing a moan past her lips. Slowly she pulled back, his hands sliding down to grasp her hips as her fingers gently stroked his stomach. With her legs folded under her, she used them to lift herself up before sliding back down along his hard-rigid cock, creating a rhythm. 

Soon he was moaning, using the strength in his arms to help lift her up before allowing gravity to bring her back down, his hips thrusting up to meet every thrust. “You make me feel so young Kathryn,” he said relishing the feel of her sliding against the very heart of his desire, the tightness, warmth, wetness driving him mad. He wanted to come but held back. Unwilling to allow the moment to end. 

“Owen,” she whispered, beginning to moan, “Please don’t come yet. I’m almost there.”

Hearing her words, and the way they rolled sensuously from her lips was making it harder not to. He stared up at her, heavily lidded eyes stared back at him. Part of her long honey-colored hair hung over her right shoulder, the rest caressing her, hanging down to the small of her back. Seeing her like this was an image that had never crossed his mind until she pushed away the straps of her nightgown. Revealing herself to him in such an intimate, private way. Just the level of vulnerability she must have felt in that moment took a kind of courage he didn’t possess. 

“I’m gonna make you come so hard baby. Then I’m going to give you all my come.” He said, trying to raise her level of excitement, and it seemed to be working. Her moans grew louder, her eyes closing as her head fell back. All her hair fell behind her, brushing against his legs. If she didn’t reach her climax soon, he would. “Come for me, my pretty baby. I want to feel you coming around me.” Then he felt it, her vaginal muscles begin to contract around him. 

Her mouth opened wide as her head righted itself over her slim shoulders, eyes closed. No sound passed her lips for several seconds, then a loud animalistic cry passed her lips. Her vaginal muscles began milking him in earnest now. His balls surged as his eyes rolled back, the back of his head mashed against the pillow, his hips thrusting up sporadically as hot come flooded her cervix. Unconsciously, his fingers immediately found her clit, rubbing frantically. 

She could feel him coming, his fingers manipulating her, reigniting the intense pleasure that had began to wane. Her body fell forward, arms stretched out, hands pressed against his chest for support. Part of her hair fell across her shoulders, obscuring her features. She inhaled, air rushing greedily into her lungs, unaware that she had been holding her breath. “I…can’t…take it. Owen I…” The words fell away unable to speak, the intense pleasure cascading through her body finally robbing her of the ability.

When he was finally spent, and his climax receded his hand fell away. Opening his eyes he found her leaning over him, her body completely tense, arms shaking. He could still feel her vaginal muscles continuing to try and milk him dry. Panicked, he immediately reached up and pushed the hair away from her face. “Kathryn baby, open your eyes,” he soothed stroking her face, “just breathe baby just breathe.” He didn’t know what to do. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before. 

Suddenly her whole body relaxed as if an invisible marionettist had cut her strings. Her face slipped through his fingers, she fell forward as dead weight hitting his chest, nearly knocking the wind out of him. Rolling her off him he leaned over her, she wasn’t moving. He checked for a pulse just in case, it was strong and steady. Pushing the hair away from her face again he began stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Wake up Kathryn,” he encouraged, but she gave no sign that she’d heard him, her chest rose and fell quickly. He waited until her breathing slowly returned to normal, realizing that whatever was happening to her a few moments ago caused her to pass out. 

Getting up, he moved her into a more comfortable position on the bed before he began the task of getting them both cleaned up which didn’t take long. Even changing the sheets wasn’t a problem, having done it many times when his children were sick and had vomited over themselves and the bed. The act of dressing her in the satin nightgown she’d worn earlier had been simple, a task he’d also learned to master because of his children. 

“What are you doing Owen?” He thought. “Is it really worth possibly losing and hurting your family, your closest friend? Not to mention what this would do to your career should anyone ever learn of it. He could see his wife’s face, how he had promised he would never do anything to hurt her, and she’d trusted him to keep that promise. His daughters would never look at him the same way again, especially knowing that the woman he’d cheated with on their mother was around their age, and not only that, they knew her. His son would lose all respect for him. His closest friend Edward would certainly never forgive him for what he’d done with his daughter, despite the fact she was a grown woman. And what of Kathryn’s career once it was discovered she’d been sleeping with her captain? That kind of black mark on her record would follow her forever, making it nearly impossible for her to advance, especially if she ever wanted to switch her career track to command. Regardless of how brilliant or capable, she was.” 

He sat down on the foot of the bed, his head in his hands. He needed to end this, if not for him then for her. She was so naïve in her thinking that this could be done without consequences, and so was he. He’d already begun to see and care for her in a way he hadn’t since he’d met Julia twenty-five years ago. He loved his wife, his children, and he wasn’t willing to throw it all away. Kathryn would just have to understand that despite what she was hoping for, he couldn’t allow it to continue. He wasn’t thinking with the right head, and he’d have to live with that for the rest of his life. 

He’d read her file – as he had all his crew – in his deliberations before choosing whether to offer them a position. One of the things that helped him make his decision was the comments left by her academy instructors. These were private comments that could not be accessed by anyone outside of the academy other than captains or above. They were from instructors he’d known personally and highly respected. Their opinions tended to govern most of his decisions when choosing a candidate. Although all of them said she still had a lot to learn, she could potentially be one of the most brilliant scientists of the twenty-fourth century. And they were right, he’d learned that almost from day one. No, he wouldn’t allow her to destroy her career, not when her future was so full of promise. 

She awoke with a soft moan, then a confused expression took over her features as she noticed odd changes in the room. The bed had been made, she had been redressed in her blue satin nightgown, the robe was gone, and Paris was sitting on the sofa across the room. Sitting up, she noticed the look on his face, and it wasn’t what she was expecting. “Owen, what happened?”

“You passed out. Scared the hell out of me there for a minute,” he stated matter-of-factly. 

Concern filtered into her eyes, “What’s wrong?”

“I was wrong to think I could do this. It has to end,” There was a seriousness and a finality to his tone that told her he really meant it this time, instantly she felt numb, “It would be selfish of me to allow it to continue. You are a vibrant beautiful woman, but you’re also a Starfleet officer, I won’t be responsible for damaging such a promising career.” Silence fell between them, and he allowed it to continue until he was sure it had sunk in. The next words would have to be hers. 

She felt rejected, tossed aside as Cheb had tossed her aside when he realized she was going to the academy and he wasn’t, crushing his dreams. He’d wanted nothing more to do with her, choosing to make her the vessel of his disappointment. Starting rumors about her at school, hitting below the belt. She’d tried to ignore it, even though her sister Phoebe was ready to throttle him over the vile things he was saying. 

When she graduated, those same feelings went with her to the academy. She kept to herself at first, just wanting to focus on her studies. As she got more comfortable with the routine of academy life, she began to say yes to a couple of those young men whose eye she’d caught. She had only dated them one at a time, and only after the previous relationship ended. They may as well have been a carbon copy of the other. Each told her how beautiful she was, how lucky they were, that is until they got her into bed. Once they’d gotten their fill, their interest began to wane, eventually leaving her feeling used and discarded. She wasn’t going to let it happen again. 

When she was given her first posting as a science officer aboard the USS Al-Batani under the command of Captain Owen Paris, she was both nervous and excited. He was one of her father’s closest friends, and he’d always been kind to her. She’d seen him from time to time at her home in Indiana, often speaking to her father regarding Starfleet business she was not privy to. However, she would often listen to their conversations when they would sit on the porch of her house on a warm summer evening. They would have a whiskey and discuss old times, swapping humorous stories.

She would sit on the porch and listen, hearing about adventures she’d only dreamt about. Paris would sometimes give her a wink and a smile when he was kidding her father as if he were letting her in on the joke. She would smile politely, sometimes laugh if the joke was funny, but found herself captivated by his stories. She loved the way he could spin a tale, creating a vast verbal landscape of colors, images, and sounds that appealed to her imagination in a way few others could, even her father. He would describe worlds and distant reaches of space that fueled her ever-growing imagination. 

When it was time for him to leave, she found herself disappointed. As she grew up, she always looked forward to his visits in a way she hadn’t anticipated. She found herself thinking about him when she shouldn’t, imaging that she, him, and her father would be off on some grand adventure to the far reaches of the galaxy, then after a while, it would become she and him. Somewhere along the way she developed a bit of a crush, not realizing when it happened but found herself welcoming the idea that would be the basis of her teenage fantasies. 

Once she started serving under him, those old feelings she thought were long gone began to resurface. She’d been hurt so many times by boys and men around her own age that she wanted to reclaim that level of familiarity she’d had with him those many years ago. She wanted the man who gives her a wink and a smile, the man who would never hurt her. Deep down she knew it was ridiculous, he was a married man with a family he loved. She would never be able to have him the way she’d fantasized as a teenager, but she might be able to put him in a position where it would be extremely hard to refuse her. 

She had tested the waters first, doing her research. A lingering touch, a smile, a look, he seemed uncomfortable but never shied away from her. She waited for almost three months for him to make a move, but he never did, always the professional. Eventually, she began to escalate her intentions just enough to really catch his attention but not far enough to cross the line. The anticipation of her eventual confrontation was almost too much to wait for. She knew how he was, how he liked to handle personal situations that involved a member of his crew, in private, and almost always on their turf. He found those issues easier to handle when the person in question was in their own space, finding it almost eliminated any possible embarrassment, especially away from prying eyes. 

She knew he would eventually come to her, and she would be ready to blindside him before he had a chance to think or really consider the consequences. Then, when he was in a more agreeable mood, introduce the idea that they could still continue to see each other. Coming up with a set of parameters that seemed reasonable under the conditions she’d created. She wanted him to have a sample of the relationship she was offering fresh in his mind beforehand. It was a plan that had worked perfectly, almost. 

Now he was staring at her, waiting for a response. She didn’t want to give him up, he was safe, and her feelings about him only strengthened her feelings for him. It didn’t matter that he was old enough to be her father. He was kind, gentle, and made her feel things she’d never felt with those other men. In those brief hours, he made her feel beautiful, desired, even loved. She turned her back to him, sitting on the side of the bed as the tears assaulted her eyes, spilling over.

He didn’t know she was crying, unable to see it, only her back as she sat up straight, her hands pressed into the mattress on either side of her. After a few moments, she finally spoke, her voice calm and steady. “You’re right. I’m sorry for putting you in such an awkward position. Can you ever forgive me?”

He smiled softly even though she was unable to see it. “Of course, this never happened, and I think it would be best if we never spoke of it again. Agreed?” he said trying to put her at ease as if this was just a huge mistake they both made that got way out of hand. No verbal reply came, only a nod of acquiescence, “Take the next few days off, I’ll someone cover for you,” Again she nodded, letting him know she understood. 

Getting up, he left quietly. When the door swished closed again, she broke down completely, unable to hold back the pain she was feeling. She had been deeply hurt by his reply, even though he obviously didn’t know it. He might have been able to forget her so easily, but she would never forget him, or this one perfect night she’d shared with him. Lying down on her side, she continued to cry over the next several hours, until she fell into a dreamless sleep.

Paris walked back to his quarters feeling numb, hollow, and heartbroken. He still wanted her, craved her, and a large part of him wanted to turn back but resisted. He was doing this for her even if she didn’t fully understand it yet. She had agreed and accepted what he was saying far too easily. As much as she tried to project confidence in her proposal that they could continue this relationship without falling in love was unrealistic. He had already begun the process, his heart aching with the knowledge that he would never know her that way again. He would have to find a way to forget what happened, even though he didn’t think it would ever be possible. 

Later that same year after they’d been captured by the Cardassians, then rescued. She eventually found love in a man around her own age. He had been one of their rescuers, Justin Tighe. He was happy for her, but a small part of him felt pain knowing she would always be forever out of his reach.  
Several years later in the Delta Quadrant…

Kathryn felt herself becoming aroused by the way Chakotay’s hands rubbed her shoulders, his closeness, his warm breath against her hair. Once she’d recognized the feeling, it made her feel extremely uncomfortable by how much she’d enjoyed it. Excusing herself, she exchanged a few awkward words with him before heading off to bed, her only reasonable retreat.

As she lay there, deciding how to handle the situation, began to consider how to resolve it. She’d never been shy about voicing her opinion, but this was entirely different. Something had passed between them at that moment, sparking something in her she hadn’t thought about in years. Owen Paris. They had both been true to their word, neither of them ever spoke of it, or indicated in any way that something inappropriate had ever happened between them. Now she was the Captain, well used to be, and was now faced with the ever-growing realization that she would be living out the rest of her life with a man who used to serve under her. 

She was beginning to get a very good idea just how uncomfortable he must have felt at the time, but Chakotay wasn’t trying to force a confrontation with her as she had him. Besides, he was the first and only time she’d ever behaved so completely out of character. After that night, she vowed to never allow herself to behave that way again, and it was a promise she’d forced herself to keep. 

The feelings being expressed were becoming entirely too complicated. She still had feelings for Mark, she loved him, he was safe, but Chakotay was invoking something in her she hadn’t felt in years, and it frightened her. Why did nearly every uncomfortable social situation that happened to her always seem to revolve around a man she cared about? In this case, she had started to feel a wild kind of infatuation with. She couldn’t, no wouldn’t pursue it. Resisting its influence at every turn. Each man she’d ever felt this way about always hurt her, especially Owen Paris. 

It took years to accept that what he had done for her that evening by ending their love affair was the best thing he could have done to save them both from ridicule. And he was right doing it. Now she needed to define some new parameters between her and Chakotay. Ones that were realistic. 

Getting up, she decided to confront him, needing some kind of barrier put in place if only for her own sanity. Sitting across from him, she mentioned her idea. He said he didn’t know what I meant by parameters but that he could tell me a story, it was about an angry warrior. As she listened, it was almost done the same way Owen Paris would tell her fantastic tales when she was a young woman. The thought of it brought a smile to her lips. However, Chakotay’s words were more personal, telling her a narrative that relayed what he was feeling without having to say it directly.

She was moved by his words in a way she hadn’t anticipated, asking if what he’d just said was an ancient legend. He looked down and smiled, releasing a slight chuckle before looking up at her again. No, he replied, but it made it easier to say. Reaching her hand up and toward him, he reached out and took it. Their fingers laced together as a single tear rolled down her cheek, his thumb gently rubbing her own as he smiled. She couldn’t act on those feelings; it had only brought pain to the piece of her emotionally fragile heart that would always remain damaged. A part she could never share with anyone. 

When their hands fell away, they sat staring at each other a moment longer. She could see he wanted to say something, do something, but remained reticent. She smiled and again wished him a pleasant evening before standing up. As she got to her feet, he rose to his and began walking around the table toward her. She turned to go back to her bed but was stopped when she felt his hand gently clasp hers. 

Her breathing increased, sure but unsure as to what he would do. Turning her toward him, he kissed her, softly, gently, passionately, and despite everything she promised herself she’d never do again, allowed herself to kiss him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. His hands rested gently on her waist for a moment before exploring further. Sliding one arm around her waist, the other slid up to caress her soft firm breast. She could feel his arousal pressing against her stomach. Her eyes opened immediately, and before he realized what was happening, there was an arms-length between them. “I can’t do this Chakotay. Please try to understand.”

He nodded, stepping back, appearing hurt by her rejection. “I do. That was way out of line. I’m sorry Kathryn.”

History had an irritating way of repeating itself, now the preverbal shoe was on the other foot, but the situation wasn’t the same. “I know this is what you think you want right now but trust me it’s not. It will come back to hurt you in the end. If we do in fact have to stay here for the rest of our lives, maybe in time things between us could be different.”

He nodded. “I don’t know what came over me. It just felt right at the time.”

Taking a deep breath she replied, “Sometimes it does, but not now. Perhaps we should just go to bed and sleep on it, see how we feel in the morning.”

“Good idea. Goodnight Kathryn.” He said before heading to his bed.

“Goodnight Chakotay, sweet dreams.” She answered before heading back to her own.

The entire situation was exciting but frightening at the same time, reminding her of so those painful and awkward feelings she felt all those years ago. She had changed so much since then. Always putting her career first instead of her feelings. It was the most painful lesson Owen Paris ever taught her. 

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Members, as well as guests, are free and able to leave comments on any of my work.


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